Day One: He invented jam, helicopters, baked potatoes, Angola, people called Jim, hair, hairnets and traction engines.
Day Two: He made gravy, helicopters again, large clouds, puffy things, dogs that go Woof and yapping dogs which are bastards
On the third day He tought: Fuck, I better get a list, I’m making shit up here.
While creating the shark:
Where’s Jezus with the ears? He’s in the lab? Oh fuck it, no ears for this one. Gimme the box of teeth. (To Jezus) No, you weren’t here. Ooh, I’ve emptied them all in.
Transcribed from the video: “John Cleese on How To Irritate People”
Captain: John Cleese
First Officer: Graham Chapman
Steward: Michael Palin
(or most of the Monty Python crew)
FO “The scransons above your heads are now ready to flange. Please unfasten your safety belts and press the emergency photoscamps on the back of the seats in front of you.”
S: (looks out) Marvellous, milling about, climbing over the seats.
FO: “Please find the emergency sprill in the washroom at the back and release it…”
C: “but do not unfasten your safety belts.”
S: That got them back to their seats.
FO: “The emergency sprill MUST be released…”
C: “but do not leave your seats.”
FO: “Do not panic.”
C: “Tea will now be served.”
FO: “Inflate your life-jackets”
C: “and extinguish all cigarettes.”
FO: “Please remove the luggage from the racks above your heads and place it on the racks on the other side of the aircraft.”
C: “Except for hand luggage…”
FO: “which you should sit on.”
via TheAirlinePilotsSketch
Rob O’Reilly performs stand-up comedy at the Cleveland Improv and deals with a front row phone call (around 6:40). Rob is a native of the city who went to school at Boston University and now lives in New York City.
White people tan, they want to be darker skinned, while black people want to be lighter skinned. So we all meet in the middle: we all wants to be Mexicans.
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John Pierce